Two-Spirit Mi’kmaq: A journey of self-discovery and acceptance 

Editor’s note: To mark Elsipogtog Pride earlier this month, Manny Simon wrote this personal essay, with editorial support from Anna-Leah Simon.

Growing up in the Mi’kmaq community of Elsipogtog during the sixties, I often felt like I didn’t fit into societal norms. At school, my peers bullied me. They called me horrible names, including homophobic slurs. I learned that being gay was considered a bad thing. I was raised catholic, and my mother was very religious. From a young age, I knew I was two-spirit. I was worried that my identity would hurt her. I spent my childhood feeling deeply ashamed. 

My marriage was a complex aspect of my journey. I married a woman when I was in my early twenties. She was my first love, and I believed that I would spend the rest of my life with her. However, as time passed, I realized that this relationship did not reflect my true identity. My brother-in-law was an openly gay man. Seeing him live his life made me consider what might be possible for me. 

I was married for almost five years when I realized I could no longer ignore my identity. The realization was both liberating and painful. After the divorce, I fell into depression. Despite everything, I felt that I had lost the love of my life. The divorce forced me to confront the disconnect between my outward life and my inner self. At my worst moments, I contemplated taking my own life. What stopped me was the realization that I would not only be hurting myself but others as well. 

Decades later and after both my parents have passed away, part of me is sad that I never had the chance to be honest with them, but another part of me knows that I could never have done it due to fear of rejection. Over time, I gradually began sharing my truth with a few confidants, but I kept it secret from the rest of my community. One of my friends challenged me to come out. She suggested coming out via a social media post. I considered it, but I needed a few more years to find the courage. 

One day, I was scrolling through Facebook and saw that one of my mutuals had come out in a post. At the time, Elsipogtog was holding our first Pride parade. Watching the community’s support and enthusiasm towards the 2SLGBTQIA+ community gave me the courage I needed. I came out that week in a Facebook post at the age of 57.

When I came out, my community met me with a surprising reaction. Despite my fears of rejection, they already knew who I was, even before I had acknowledged it to myself. What meant the most to me was the acceptance from my siblings. The revelation that I had not needed to hide for so long unsettled me. I wondered how others could see me more clearly than I saw myself at times. Ultimately, the love from my family and friends was a huge comfort.

My path to self-acceptance is ongoing, the beliefs that I grew up with are hard to shake, and I still struggle with shame sometimes. 

During most of my life, I had never heard the word ‘two-spirit’ used. There were not many openly gay and lesbian people in my circles. Sometimes the community would suspect individuals, and rumours would circulate. It wasn’t until the early nineties that many within my community started coming out.  It is only recently that people in my Mi’kmaq community have begun identifying as two-spirit, something Indigenous communities used to do a long time ago.  Many of our youth have rediscovered the term and begun identifying with it. I hope that my story reminds others that it is never too late to become who you want to be.

Manny Simon and Anna-Leah Simon are St. Thomas University students and members of Elsipogtog First Nation.